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Natural selection sure is taking its sweet time with some people
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How come Mario can smash through bricks, yet he dies when he touches a freakin’ turtle?
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Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live the longest.
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I wanna text,
Lms
I’ll shoot you my number
Talk about weird shit with me
Come join the live streammmm
I always think of something sad when chopping onions so that I kill two birds with one stone.
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When people ask for my advice, I advise them not to take my advice. That really fucks them up.
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I call my grandma a day late to say happy birthday, and she makes me feel like shit
Oh and she’s pissed about me going to pride
I’m guessing that the actual process of giving birth is what led to the extinction of the unicorn.
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Maybe we are dreaming all the time and when we “sleep” we wake up
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